An Uchiha Guide To Valentine's Day
by Shiranui-Sensei
Summary: The 10-step guide to the perfect V-day. Kyuu/Ita and Naru/Sasu. Crack humor, eventual lemons, and some fluff. Don't like don't read c: (It's still a work in progress, so please bear with me)


A/N: So.. uh... Yeah. Hiatus is over for a bit xD Was working on re-vamping (pun intended) A Vampire's Lullaby and adding to Immortal Nights (not that anyone bothered to read it) and ended up crashing my computer and lost it all x.x Got a new computer and a thumb drive now so might finish them.

Aaanyway. Here's a short fic for Valentine's day.

Enjoy!

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An Uchiha Guide To Valentines

Step 1: "The way to a man's heart is through his belly"

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Itachi hummed lightly as he fluttered around the small kitchen of his apartment. "Ten days to Valentines!" He exclaimed, adding some more seasioning to his 'home-made' Ramen (Instant, doctored up and burnt) Sasuke stood by with his upper lip curled in disgust. "Anaki, you're burning it." He drawled, only to be bopped on the forehead by Itachi's wooden spoon. "Burning it with love!"

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Iachi exclaimed, shooting past Sasuke and running to the hall closet to fetch something before running back to the kitchen to pounce on his unsuspecting little brother. "Here we are!" He exclaimed, pinning the object to Sasuke's back before getting up and putting a similar object on his own back.

Sasuke stood, inwardly cursing and looked at his brother, only to choke on his own spit. "What. The. Fuck." He said slowly, reaching an uncertain hand back to feel the feathery object on his back. "Oh hell no!" He attempted to rip the offending object off, only to be bopped again by the damn wooden spoon. "I made sure to get you black ones, little brother. I know how you lothe color." Itachi rolled his eyes before turning back to the stove, giving Sasuke a full view of his own wings, which were black as well, but with alternating pink and purple at the ends of the feathers. Sasuke sighed and resigned himself to fate.

Oh, how Sasuke loved this time of year... Not.

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In the dining room of the apartment, the Uzumaki brothers sat, staring blankly at each other. "I smell something burning." Kyuubi, the older of the two, commented. "Is Itachi-nii cooking?" Naruto asked, a look of horror on his face. "..." Kyuubi stood and peeked into the kitchen before tip-toeing back to Naruto "He's cooking. Race you to the door!"

Just as the duo reached the door, Itachi's perky voice flowed to them. "Where are you two going in such a hurry? Dinner is ready!"

Accepting their fate, the brothers turned around, only to stare blankly in shock.

Itachi. And Sasuke. With Cupid wings. Itachi was practically glowing, a bright smile on his face. Sasuke, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to rip the wings off and beat Itachi with them. (Little did they know that Sasuke was imagining all the ways he could beat Itachi until he was nothing but a tiny stain on the floor with the stupid cupid wings. Served him right.)

There was a small silence, and then a howl. "Sasu-chan looks like Cupid's arrow went up his ass!" Naruto shrieked through his laughter, causing Sasuke's sour look to intensify and Kyuubi to bend at the waist and hold his belly due to his own manic laughter. "Maybe it wanted to join the stick that was there to begin with!" Kyuubi added, tears pouring down his red face. Even Itachi had to stifle a snicker. "He's right, Otouto. Cheer up!" Itachi chided.

"Hn. Let's just eat so I can be rid of these damn wings." Sasuke huffed, a slight blush on his cheeks. Recieving no answer, he turned around and stomped to the table. The others joined quietly, still stifling the occasional chuckle.

Once settled, Itachi grabbed his chopsticks and attempted to feed the -burnt- ramen to his Kyuu-koi. When that failed, he stomped on the other's foot under the table, causing the redhead to gasp and open his mouth to the food. "There we are. Good, right? I didn't get the best grades in my cooking class for being cute!" Itachi gloated, causing the other three to groan.

They say the way to a man's heart is through his belly.. But not when it involves Itachi's cooking.

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A/N: Well, there's chapter one for you. Next chapter will be up tonight, hopefully.

I promise there will be some Kyuu/Ita action along with the Naru/Sasu. As per request from MTWBI c;

You'll have to think of this as a piece of lemon pie. You have to get through that sickeningly sweet, fluffy shit at the top before getting into the good stuff.

Additional A/N: Holy sheet. The word count on this is awful x.x Must edit.

Ja Ne!

- Shira-Sensei


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